Is it time, already?

I was getting dinner ready this evening when I heard my little singer doing his usual thing; singing some random song to himself. But I have to say I was surprised to hear him singing, "....uh uh uh uh uh uh uh undo it!" I just turned towards Brigham with the biggest smile on my face and proceeded to sing along to see just how much he knew of the song. We were in the van today when Undo It by Carrie Underwood came on the radio. I shouldn't be to surprised, I guess, since he has always been the one to catch onto the "fun" songs that come on the radio/cd but usually he just wants to hear them again. What I usually hear him singing around the house are theme songs to a cartoon, a primary song, or one of the many songs he learned in Kindergarten last year. Don't get me wrong, I love Undo It and I have no problem with Brigham singing it (well, except for when she sings the word stupid) but it was such an eye opener that he really is listening to everything. Is it really time for this? It is time, already, to censor everything?

I'll never forget the turning point, in our family, of when we decided to change what came out of our TV and into our home and what we watched in the theater. I was in the hospital with Levi in my arms when David started thumbing through the channels. I just remember hearing some random cuss word and it being so very offensive to me all of a sudden. I couldn't handle this precious new spirit just out of the presence of God listening to that! It took a few months of adjusting but before long David and I made the commitment not to watch anything above a PG rating. For about 5 years we continued doing this. I also remember coming to visit Oklahoma, probably for Christmas, and being at the branch when Allison Andrasko commented in class about her home being a "safe haven" for her family. I loved that! Since then, David and I made changes in our home to make that safe haven for our little family. But not to long after Hyrum was born I slowly let things seep back into my life. Commitments were broken and I slowly became more and more disappointed in myself. Many things have happened since then and in no way am I saying that the bad things that happened were directly related to watching PG 13 movies or listening to music that I had given up previously or any of the other things that I had let slide. What I am saying though, is that I have no doubt that my guard wasn't up as high as it was before and slowly, very slowly, things began to crawl into my life that made it all the more easier for Satan to make his way into my little safe haven. I have been thinking about this for a months now. Knowing that I was happier in times past but being smart enough to put in my life what Elder Uchtdorf said in General Conference in October of 2009, " ...there are so many "shoulds" and "should nots" that merely keeping track of them can be a challenge. Sometimes, well-meaning amplifications of divine principles - many coming from uninspired sources- complicate matters further, diluting the purity of divine truth with man-made addenda. One person's good idea- something that my work for him or her- takes root and becomes an expectation. And gradually, eternal principles can get lost within the labyrinth of "good ideas." I have no doubt that at the time our commitment to changing what came in and out of our home was inspired. No doubt at all. But I also know that things happen in a person's life that can be quite unexpected and people change. And as much as that person may want to be who she was before, it can not happen overnight. Sometimes not ever. So I have changed the way I look at things. Instead of feeling terribly guilty at who I have become, I now see this old me as an example of what I could be but being smart enough to remember what President Uchtdorf said, "one person's good idea" may not work for everyone. I am a different person. The change that occurred in my body after having Hyrum is real. I am not the Alisa of Rexburg, Idaho. Maybe I never will be again. I can only look to her as an example now and hope for her but to love myself as I am now. So for a few months I have wrestled with the idea of going back to the PG thing. Just me, not David. I will not change my family; just me. Of course in the end it will change my family but right now, I just want to work on me. Build myself up and gain confidence. So I have been doing the PG thing for a month or so now and it feels good. Maybe that is as far as I will go and maybe I'll be just fine with that. But after hearing Brigham sing today I have a feeling that I will be shifting gears and thinking of my family a little more. But I want to be wise. I want to take it slow. I want to pay attention to what the Lord wants the Alisa of today to be.