Year #8

After a year like 2009, I wonder if "Year #8" is how David feels. Well, how I would think he should feel. This is the year in our marriage that I will forever want to remember but yet I'm always trying to forget. I don't ever want to be taught the things that I was taught this year, again. But I never want to forget how hard my husband tried to do what was best for me. It was the year that I learned just how much our little family really meant to him. That he would truly do anything for us and most importantly, to me at least, go through anything for us...for me.

Ronald's Christmas present to us was watching the kids while David and I went on a date. After our date, Ronald and I were talking and I was telling him how my testimony of the Saviour has grown. How truly grateful I am for him being my mediator. That He would be able to speak for me to Heavenly Father. I've known that for a long time but until this past year, I never knew how crucial it was that someone know exactly what I was going through and why I did the things I did..why I thought what I thought. I confessed to my brother though, that I still felt bitter towards Heavenly Father though. Even as I write this I am crying just remembering how terrible this year has been....this year that Heavenly Father let happen. As I was telling Ronald how I felt he reminded me of how He had to send his Son to this Earth and how He had to let him die for us. How he had to let certain things happen in our lives or he would cease to be God. He could not interfere with our free agency. He said, "You really shouldn't give Him such a hard time." He spoke of how it probably broke His heart too. I knew then that I wouldn't wait for a new years resolution. I know what this new year will be like for me and it will start now. I will have a relationship with my Father again. I have so much love for my husband. So much more love for him than I do my Father in heaven. I need for that to change. I see Christlike things in my husband every single day. Every day. He really is that good to me. I want to feel that towards my Father in heaven. I want to know of His love for me and most importantly I want to be grateful for it. This was such a peaceful day for David and I. Earlier that day we just sat outside watching the birds. Sounds so boring to the old me. I never had time for things like that. There was always a house that needed to be cleaned, kids to be watched, or whatever I could think of to keep me going, going, going. I remember David trying to get me to sit on the couch with him when we watched a movie. I couldn't stand "wasting time" on a movie so I had to sit on the floor while watching the movie....with another project at hand of course. Sprawled out before me would be papers or whatever needed to be done. I have a very patient husband though. He had to wait almost 8 years for this woman to emerge. This woman who actually likes to sit and talk with him now. This woman got a kick out of watching Hyrum splash his little heart out in the tub this morning...the same woman who would have thrown a fit because of the water she would have had to clean up afterwards. I am starting to love myself...this new self.