Another Level of Peace

The journal entry before this one was an article that was written about Michael McLean.  April sent it to me a few days ago and I can't stop reading it.  Especially this part:

"“My father suffered from Alzheimer’s, so when he was asked to give a 17-minute talk at an Easter sacrament meeting, I was nervous he would go a little bit off track. In fact, I stood close by so I could come up and rescue him,” McLean recalls. “Every scripture, every reference, was about God the Father’s greatness, wisdom, and intelligence. And I was getting embarrassed because it was Easter Sunday, and he wasn’t talking about Jesus.”

But then, with two minutes left, McLean’s father surprised him by posing a series of profound questions. “My father said, ‘Isn’t it interesting that the Greatest Intelligence in the Universe abandoned His Son at the most pivotal moment in His plan? Could it be that it was at this moment that the Greatest Intelligence of All bore witness to the universe that He had put His faith in Jesus? That He knew Jesus would choose Him no matter what? And could it be that when you think He has abandoned you that He is actually saying, ‘I have faith you will choose me even when I’m not there’?”

And that is exactly how McLean overcame his faith crisis—by choosing God even when he felt abandoned by Him."

I needed that.  I've been in a good place for a few weeks now and it has been wonderful.  But I would be lying if I said that when I think back to what happened that I didn't cry.  It is still so very close to the surface for me.  Even though I have found peace in who I am now, when I think back to who I was I still hurt.  I hurt for the person I was that couldn't control what was going on around her.  That person that felt so very alone.  The person who couldn't understand a Higher Power that would allow such pain, pain felt ALONE, for so long without answers.

Reading what Michael McLean said in his father's words about not only NOT being alone, but that my Father in Heaven has faith in ME...well, how do you put a price on that knowledge?  A part of me has a hard time comprehending it but the bigger part of me just finds a whole other level of peace.