David took me on a "mental retreat" a few weekends ago. Just before, I could feel something inside me hurting deeply. My medicine was working so well prior to that. So well. But I got sick and wasn't handling Ruger well and I found myself crying more and more. I knew I needed to get away. So I asked David if we could do just that.
Of course, he was all over that. Mom and Dad were more than willing to help with the kids. Just a few days later something significant happened with my health and it turned out I needed the get away more than I realized. I was forced to get off one of my medications because it really messed me up emotionally. It put me in a really dark place. You hear people say things like, "I can't put into words what it was like..." and I find myself not wanting to journal that. Because it feels hollow. Because even that can't be put into words right.
It's so hard to climb out of that hole when you believe that what you are seeing, outside of you is something you can't have or even deserve. It's so hard to explain. It's a horrible, wretched way to live. Having expressed that though, I'm truly grateful though that my husband knew how serious it was and helped me on this path to health quickly. That path included the original plan of the "mental getaway."
Tulsa is close to a half way mark to Mom and Dad so that is where David and I stayed. I really wanted to be somewhere where we could be in nature. Something that helped me while I was in Utah was to go on hikes. So David found a place in the Jenks area that had a great place for that.
I almost immediately felt at peace.
I do not like to camp but I truly love to hike. There is something so inviting to me with it. I feel close to my Heavenly Father there. I feel safe. I don't worry. Life is simple.
David was in pain because he had a bunch of canker sores in his mouth. I knew he had been very stressed with worrying about me, which causes cold sores but he put on a smile during this whole weekend and hiked with me 3 times during those 2 days that we stayed in Jenks/Tulsa. He was patient with me as he just talked to me and tried to figure out what would be best to help me de-stress my life.
We walked and talked and listened and then realized and recognized more things as the weekend went on. We didn't leave that weekend knowing exactly how to change everything to "fix" me. But at least there was a path set before me. And there was light shining on that path. We'll get there.
Be Gentle With Yourself, Alisa.
Be Gentle With Yourself, Alisa.
3 comments:
One of the ways we "survived" being back in the hot and humidity of Oklahoma was exploring more of the outdoors. There is a nice hike right outside of Tulsa called Red bud Valley. Not a difficult hike but really pretty, Turkey Mountain in Tulsa is also a nice hike that's not too difficult. The Tall Grass Prairie outside of Bartlesville is beautiful. There is also a nature preserve outside of Lawton that is beautiful. There is exactly one "mountain" called Mount Scott that you can drive to the top of. When We went we laughed at all the flat-landers talking about not getting too close to the edge or how high it was. There is also Turner Falls and the Chickasaw Recreation area. I hope you are doing better and if you ever need to get away to the west, you are welcome to come visit me =).
This is such a great post Alisa, I am so sorry I haven't made the effort to come see you or meet with you in between. things are so crazy around here and reading your mental retreat post wished I could have one as well. I hope you're doing well and better, I have always loved the sweetness and the beauty of nature, not to mention the peaceful feelings we can have when we get away from all the noise and chaos in our own places here on earth.
I remember as a teenager how I loved to go out to the barn by myself and go up to the loft and just sit and look out over the land and see nothing but beauty, feel nothing but peace, and ponder on things that may trouble me or just because I wanted to feel our Saviors love. I think we all need times and places to go and do that....
Hey, I know! I could go to the temple ") no, really there are times we are not able to go and so when there is not it's really great to know that we can find peace in places that we can feel that peace, happiness and to just feel good. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the things that are hard or a struggle for you. Because it helps others to remember to take the time to feel peace. Just love the profile pic of Marie's above. Love love, I hope that we can get together before you leave. ")
I don't know if you two will see this response or not but I do really appreciate your kind words and suggestions. Marie, that was Turkey Mountain actually. Thank you for the other suggestions in case we go that way again because I really needed that place. Rose, I love you and would love to see you but I completely understand. I feel bad for not seeing a lot of people but its so hard to put on a "I'm ok" face when I'm not. I know you know what I'm talking about. I do love you so much though.
Post a Comment