I had breakfast with Christine this morning and was reminded of a post I wrote, a week or so ago, about me realizing something about myself and why I parent the way I do. Christine and I were talking about the young gunman who walked into an elementary school in Connecticut, last Friday, and killed 26 people. We both spoke of our emotions throughout the weekend. How senseless it all seemed to kill those little children the way that he did. She told me of how she looked at her Christmas tree at one point and was so sad to think of those parents not being able to spend Christmas with their little ones. I walked my children to school this morning and couldn't help but cautiously look at every parent that walked with their children. Were they safe? Were those parents wondering the same thing?
Christine and I talked of all that the children of today are exposed to in entertainment, whether it be movies or a PlayStation. My "realizing" post made me wonder why I was so picky about why I am so protective of what my children watch. I realized that I parent that way because of the way that movies leave an effect on my spirit. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than violence. I wondered if it was God telling me to protect my kids by not letting them watch and play certain violent/dark entertainment or if it was just my uncomfortableness of the way it effects me...my fear that it would do the same for my children. I know now that both are true. He expects me to protect my children from Satan's influence and He let me have certain experiences in my life that made me extra sensitive to violence because of this.
I am not a believer that God has His hands in all things. If that were true there would never be a rape, murder, or any other horrible crime against other human beings. I do, however, believe that if we let Him, he will be in everything to heal us after the crime was committed. I also believe that He prepares us for those horrible crimes. He cannot and will not take away our free agency. He has to let those around us do what they will but He can place us in paths in our lives to help us better cope once the outcome has taken place. I am truly grateful for this.
I have to admit that I am one of the rare members of my church that actually would rather have free agency taken away from me. I can't stand to make mistakes. I can't stand to have people upset with me. I was such a chicken growing up that if my friends wanted me to do something I was uncomfortable with, I would tell my parents and have them tell me no; so I could blame it on them if my friends got mad. I would much rather have someone tell me what to do. But I also know that the only way we can prove our way back to our Father in heaven is by our actions in this life.
And so, that is what makes me so grateful for those places that the Lord has placed me in so that I could be the parent I am today. I am grateful He knows me and because of that I stand up for so much more than I ever did as a child/teenager.
1 comment:
Very thought full post Sis. It's interesting, I know that I am the younger sibling, but I almost feel like I have seen you grow and progress. You are a fantastic mom and wonderful sister. Keep being you. :)
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