A Missionary Treat

Starting on Monday night, David and I were disappointed with some news that we were really hoping would change things for our family. As it seems it has been going for us since moving here, it has been one thing after another when it comes to disappointment. Until you are going through it, you really can't understand how very hard it can take hold on your marriage, patience with your children, relationships with your close friends, loss of focus in your jobs and responsibilities, and the list goes on. Disappointment can be so devastating in every aspect of your life. It is frustrating, hurtful, annoying, depressing, and at times amusing. Coming to terms with the fact that our little family is not "being picked on" has been a hard one for me. For so long I focused on what I did wrong and what I did to make Heavenly Father lose His trust in me. I have always relied on Heavenly Father's guidance. I relied on Him for everything. And it wasn't until last night, while speaking with my husband, that I realized that I have relied on Heavenly Father so much that I have stopped growing. I didn't think it was possible to rely on our Father in Heaven to much. Trust me, though. It is possible. No wonder I have lead a life of constant disappointments these last few years. Something I have come to realize is that when you rely to much on anyone or anything, you disable yourself. You lean so much on that other source that it becomes your crutch. Can you believe I am saying this....That my Father in Heaven has been my crutch?! Unbelievable, but He can be if you don't use one of His greatest gifts He ever gave us; our free agency to choose for ourselves. David said to me the other night, "All He cares about is us returning back to Him. All the rest is just fluff." He is so right! While I have been focusing on being exactly where the Lord wants me to be (physically and mentally) and thinking that He is ok with this or that, all He really ever wanted me to do was to make a decision! How simple! I have to start believing that if I make a decision that would hurt me or my family that He will find a way to get us out of it.

So the missionaries were here when we got our "bad news." I did not handle it well. I kept it as best together as I could while they were here but once they left, all hell broke lose in my soul of emotions. The following day David lost valuable tools that he uses when working on houses. During this time, David and I have been working on our new found wisdom and since the missionaries are often around, I'm sure they felt the odd spirit that has been about lately. Tonight these men brought David a "tool" gift and us treats. These men are on tight budgets and yet they did this for us. It really meant a lot to me tonight. This is how they acknowledged our pain. I hope their mommas read this and are so proud of them. It is times like this that I picture my boys on missions and hope they made the same decisions.