On Sunday, Levi gave the lesson in his Priesthood class. David and I were the speakers in Sacrament meeting. When Brother Olsen got up to introduce us, he said it was kinda like a "farewell talk" for us. So for journal keeping, here it is:
When Clint asked us to speak, he graciously gave us an “out”
with him knowing that we are packing and trying to get everything in
order. But he felt the topic couldn’t be
better suited for our family. And he was
right. The topic he asked us to speak on
is Strengthening the Family and Home.
I haven’t been feeling well lately. I’ve been incredibly stressed and I felt like
I didn’t have the time to prepare. I’m a
firm believer in saying “no” when your body and mind can give no more but I’d
like to bear you my testimony that if there is even a small part of you than
can serve when asked, you will be blessed with the knowledge that the Lord was
preparing you in advance. If you trust
in Him, He will help you.
At the ward dinner a few weekends ago, I was talking to
Brother and Sister Allred. They were
asking me about our upcoming move. They
didn’t know it but I had been seriously struggling with our decision to
move. From the outside looking in, it
was as close to a perfect outcome for our family. But within our family, we all had our own
doubts (well, maybe except for Ruger).
And all I have wanted to do for the last month or so is to fix it! But in that moment of talking with the
Allreds, it hit me. I was not trusting
the Lord.
I teach my children in F.H.E. and in personal moments to
trust the Lord. I teach our children in
Primary to trust the Lord. And when I am
speaking to them, I mean it. But as I
was talking to the Allreds, I realized that this past month I was just paying
my Heavenly Father lip service. I wasn’t
truly trusting Him. He was giving me
sign after sign that this was His will and yet, over and over, I kept seeing
all the things that could go wrong. I
needed to stop and truly trust Him. Not
just say with my mouth that I trust Him.
Brothers and Sisters, trust that your Father in Heaven loves
you. And because He loves you, He is
going to provide ways to strengthen your home and family. One of those ways will be providing
testimonies of His servants next week in General Conference. I challenge you to watch or listen to every
session with the question of, “What is the Holy Ghost telling me right now to
do for my family?”
Almost 20 years ago, Elder Robert D. Hales gave a talk in
General Conference titled, “Strengthening Families: Our Sacred Duty.” I would like to go over some advice that he
gave to help identify areas that may need strengthening in your home.
1. 1. “Make our
homes a safe place where each family member feels love and a sense of
belonging. Realize that each child has varying
gifts and abilities; each is an individual requiring special love and
care.” Years ago I was in Relief Society
when a sister told the class that her home was a “safe haven” from the world. That phrase never left me. David and I have truly tried to make sure
that when our children walk through the front door to our many homes, that they
know it is a safe haven. Because we have
set standards to what may enter our home, I have hoped that the Lord will help David
and I with the rest. Our home is not a
perfect place, but with the Lord’s help it can be a safe haven for our family.
2. 2. “When my sweetheart and I were sealed in the
Salt Lake Temple, Elder Harold B. Lee gave us wise counsel: ““When you raise
your voice in anger, the Spirit departs from your home.”” We must never, out of anger, lock the door of
our home or our heart to our children.
Like the prodigal son, our children need to know that when they come to
themselves, they can turn to us for love and council.” David and I are far from perfect when it
comes to these things that Elder Hales is suggesting. So there is no judgement when I ask you to
consider his advice. In Proverbs 15:1 it
says that, “a soft answer turneth away wrath.”
When has any of us listened to what others have said once anger was
involved? When has the Spirit stayed in
a room or setting when sarcasm or unkind words were involved? I would caution the youth to take this advice
as well. Not just the parents.
3. 3. “Spend individual time with our children,
letting them choose the activity and the subject of conversation. Block out distractions.” I think this one is really important for our
teenagers. With so much distracting when
it comes to technology, may I suggest using that very thing to get closer to
your children. David isn’t a huge gamer
by any means but he does take time out to get on his phone to connect with the
boys on a game that they are playing because he knows it is something they
enjoy. I personally don’t like games
like that at all so I try to find other ways to have alone time with the
boys. Every once in a while, I will
surprise them by checking them out of school so that we can have lunch
together. I think finding a middle
ground for both parents and children is a great starting point.
4. 4. “Pray daily with our children.” Our family always has nightly prayers. But if a routine is not set, our morning
prayers are often missed. During the
summer, our morning prayers rarely happen.
When school is in, it is usually a prayer said while I’m driving the
older boys to school. Is this
ideal? No. But we are doing it! I am just like many mothers who feel guilty a
lot. I know I should encourage my
children to stop and pray with me before we even leave the house in the
morning. But can I share some advice
with you that I was given once? A friend
once told me, “Be gentle with yourself.”
We are not perfect parents but we are trying. Keep trying and be gentle with yourself.
5. 5. “Read the scriptures together. I remember my own mother and father reading
the scriptures as we children sat on the floor and listened. Sometimes they would ask, “What does that
scripture mean to you?” or “How does it make you feel?” Then they would listen to us as we responded
in our own words.” If I’m being honest, when
our family has our nightly scripture reading and David asks questions like
that, he is usually answered with silence.
But I’ve noticed that when he asks them those questions individually, he
sometimes gets a response and we have hope that they were listening after
all! It wasn’t very long ago that we
were reading about Ammon’s success in missionary work all because he served
first. David was able to share his
testimony with our sons that when he served first on his mission, he was able
to soften hearts a lot faster with others so that he could share his love of
his Savior later.
6. 6. “Hold Family Home Evening every week. As parents, we are sometimes too intimidated
to teach or testify to our children. I
have been guilty of that in my own life.
Our children need to have us share spiritual feelings with them and to
teach and bear testimony to them.” I
found this interesting because if I would have read this before having
teenagers, it wouldn’t have rang as true to me as it does now. When my children were real young, it was a
matter of making sure that Family Home Evening even happened! Once we got in the habit of having it every
week, then the struggle seemed to be getting them to stay still for a
lesson. Over time, we realized that they
were too active to have the types of “lessons” that we thought they should
have. So we adjusted. Over time, we all looked forward to Family
Home Evening every week…even if it may have had a lot to do with the treat that
they knew would always follow. But as my
children have grown older, I can see exactly what Elder Hales was speaking of
when he said that he had been guilty of being intimidated to testify to his
children. But I am learning that the
bolder I am in bringing up gospel principles in Family Home Evening, as well as
in random everyday situations, my children are learning that not only am I not
perfect but that we can speak of spiritual things in places other than prayer
and church.
7. 7. “Teach our children the history of our ancestors
and of our own family history.” The
Primary children listening today may remember this. A few months ago I was teaching in sharing
time about family history. I put the
full names of each of my children on the chalkboard. I asked them what was similar. One child answered that they all had the same
middle and last names. Another child
said something to the effect of their first names being church/scripture
names. All of my children’s first names
are Mormon pioneer names. Levi and Ruger
(whose real first name is Joseph) names are from family Mormon pioneer descendants. Brigham and Hyrum are after Mormon pioneers
David and I admired. I love it when
Brigham Young or Hyrum Smith is mentioned in church and pray that my boys are
listening and learning of the men Brigham and Hyrum were. That they have someone to look up to. I love having Family Home Evening where David
and I will mention Levi Hancock and the great sacrificed he made as one of the
earliest pioneers. I look forward to when
Ruger gets older and we will be able to share with him the stories of my great
grandfather, Joseph. Stories of his
patience as he waited for the missionaries to come to Oklahoma to teach him.
Ruger may not share his blood but he shares the same spiritual DNA. Your children may not be named after a family
member but they do share you and your ancestors spiritual DNA!
8. 8. “Act with faith: don’t react with fear. When our teenagers begin testing family
values, parents need to go to the Lord for guidance on the specific needs of
each family member. This is the time for
added love and support and to reinforce your teachings on how to make
choices. It is frightening to allow our
children to learn from the mistakes they may make, but their willingness to
choose the Lord’s way and family values is greater when the choice comes from
within than when we attempt to force those values upon them. The Lord’s way of love and acceptance is better
than Satan’s way of force and coercion, especially in rearing teenagers.”
9. 9. Those listening may feel as if this talk is geared
to young families but #9 is what really made me so very grateful for having the
opportunity to study this talk. I read
this talk and then felt prompted to listen to the recording of him giving this
talk. This part of the talk is where
Elder Hales began to get emotional and it was given for those with teenagers or
with those whose children are out of the house as well. He said, “While we may despair when, after
all we can do, some of our children stray from the path of righteousness, the
words of Orson F. Whitney can comfort us: “Though some of the sheep may wander,
the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the
tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to
the fold. Either in this life or the
life to come, they will return. They
will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and
may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent
Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving (mother’s and) father’s heart and home, the
painful experience will not have been in vain.
Pray for our careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with our
faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see
the salvation of God.” As I said
earlier, this part of his talk touched my heart so very much. The hope it gives is more comforting than
anything I read in his talk. Trust in
the Lord that justice will be served and that beautiful mercy will follow.
10.
10. “What if you are single or have not been blessed
with children? Do you need to be
concerned about the counsel regarding families?
Yes. It is something we all need
to learn in earth life. Unmarried adult
members can often lend a special kind of strength to the family, becoming a
tremendous source of support, acceptance, and love to their families and the
families of those around them. I want to
express my appreciation for those in my own extended family who have guided me
by their example and testimony.
Sometimes extended family members can say things parents cannot say without
starting an argument. After a long
heart-to-heart discussion with her mother, one young woman said, “It would be
awful to tell you and Dad I had done something wrong. But it would be worse to tell Aunt
Susan. I just couldn’t let her
down.”” This made me think of my sister,
April. April has a niece on her
husband’s side of the family who looks up to her. One time this niece’s mother told April that
if her daughter does something that she is not supposed to do, he daughter’s
fear is not what her parents will do but the fear is if April will find
out!
Everything in parentheses is what Elder Hales said. The rest were my thoughts. I ended the talk with my testimony. I spoke of my appreciation of Heavenly Father’s
knowledge of placing us in family here on Earth. How it makes sense to me. How I think it also includes our church
families. How some of us are not blessed
to live so close to relatives, which makes church family all the more
important. On the way to church, we
passed Tyson’s street. Ruger says, “Hi
Tyson. I like you.” We get to church and Ruger runs off like he
usually does. Abrie takes him and sits
him down right next to her and even though my mother in law is there to help, I
know Ruger is safe while David and I are speaking to the church because many will actually be watching him. David and
I are up on the stand when we realize Hyrum is just sitting in a pew by himself
looking around and confused. “Grandma”
Eva tries to get his attention that he can sit with her while David and I are
mouthing to him that he can sit there or by Grandma Adams. He is still confused so while Sacrament
meeting has already started I get down from the stand to talk to Hyrum but
before I can even do that, Kristen says, “He can sit with us.” As David and I are waiting to speak, I look
down at Eva and she is mouthing to me, “I. Love. You.” These people are our church family. I’m so grateful I can trust in them. I’m so grateful that Heavenly Father set it
up that way. I believe that when we pass
through the veil and move on from this earthly life, that we are going to be pleasantly
surprised how similar it is going to be there. (Tyson is Levi and Brigham's friend. Abrie just left Young Womens and is now one of our Primary teachers. Kristen is the mother of one of Hyrum's closest friends. And Grandma Eva is a lady in our ward that my children took to instantly.)
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