Last week David got word that he was wanted back in Utah. At first, I handled it just fine. Even David commented a few times how well I was taking it. But within a day, I wasn't so sure about it all. I am ready to go back to Utah. I miss it there; I just was very nervous about getting there is such a short period of time (we were leaving in a week & 1/2). Plus, they didn't let us know for a few days where in Utah we would be. That makes it really hard to find a place!
I felt really emotional on Saturday. That was the day we finally knew where in Utah we would be but we still had to get everything in order. By the time David got home from work, I really needed the Relief Society Broadcast that was about to start. I quickly got ready and headed for one of the chapels here in Tracy.
They were having dinner before it started but when I went inside, I didn't recognize anyone.
I headed for the bathroom and stayed in there for a while (yes, I am that insecure!). After rechecking a few more times, I just gave up and left. I would return at 7:00 p.m. just to watch the broadcast. But as I was leaving, I got a text from a friend (Kaylie) who was asking where I was. She had saw my car in the parking lot but couldn't find me inside. So I turned around and had dinner with her and some other girls that showed up and I am so glad that I did. They were just what I needed.
They were having dinner before it started but when I went inside, I didn't recognize anyone.
I headed for the bathroom and stayed in there for a while (yes, I am that insecure!). After rechecking a few more times, I just gave up and left. I would return at 7:00 p.m. just to watch the broadcast. But as I was leaving, I got a text from a friend (Kaylie) who was asking where I was. She had saw my car in the parking lot but couldn't find me inside. So I turned around and had dinner with her and some other girls that showed up and I am so glad that I did. They were just what I needed.
When the broadcast started, I really had a hard time concentrating. I just wasn't feeling the spirit. Luckily Bree let me hold her baby for most of it. It felt so good cuddling a sweet baby. Bree even cracked me up at one point as she got up on the back pew (everyone was standing up at this point for the intermediate hymn) and stood so she could see the lyrics to the song that was on the bottom of the screen. I tell you this because of all the times that I shouldn't have felt the spirit, it would have been then. I was seriously cracking up at her. But all of a sudden, on the last verse of the song, right at the chorus, I had this strong feeling to sing and listen. The song was "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go." I teared up as I realized it was Heavenly Father's sweet reminder that He wanted me in Utah. So calm down.
Sunday was a spiritual, emotional day for me. I felt it several times throughout the meetings. I felt prompted to bear my testimony during Sacrament but alas, my insecurity got the best of me. So let me do so now.
I know that I belong to a Heavenly Father who loves me. And though I belong to Him, he does not control me. He does this because He loves me. And even though I would MUCH rather Him just tell me what to do, I know that He wants me to make choices so I can grow and learn from my life experiences. I know that one day He will explain things to me in a way that I can finally understand the things that make little sense to me in this world. I am so grateful He provided a husband for me that truly loves me through my ups and downs. Who is willing to take over when I just cant do it anymore. He, like my father in heaven, is patient. I am grateful for patience. I bear these things, in Jesus' name, with a hope that I continue to have these feelings within me to remind me that all is well.
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