Realizing

I love realizing things about myself.  I couldn't always say that.  Maybe it was because I was a perfectionist and always saw the negative in myself rather than just realizing I saw things in a different way than others.  Maybe it was because other people were pointing them out to me and lets face it; no one likes to be told their faults.  I guess I still don't care to much to be told my faults but I definitely look at the things I now realize about myself as just that: things about myself. 

I realized that one of my parenting styles is due to my uncomfortableness with movies tonight, as I let my boys watch Star Wars for the first time tonight.  Yep, you read that right.  And it was only about 2 months ago that I let them watch all the PG Harry Potter movies.  Mind you, I wouldn't let Hyrum watch it but my 8 and almost 10 year old had to wait all this time for me to be comfortable with them watching these dark shows. 

I am extremely picky about what I and the boys watch.  I can't handle violence.  I really can't.  I would rather watch a sex scene in a movie rather than violence.  It makes total sense to me since violence is the worst sin you can commit (after denying God) but to most that always surprises people - when I feel comfortable enough around them to tell them that about myself.  Most people say that they don't feel that way because sexual sin is much more likely for them to commit than for them to harm/kill someone, thus them being more comfortable with violence than I am.  Makes sense to me also, but it doesn't change the way I feel about movies.

For some people, music is extremely powerful to them and in some cases it is for me also but nothing compares to the effect something can have on me like a movie.  I don't know why.  Violence, sex, cursing, revenge, inappropriate jokes, you name it, it stays with me long after the movie has ended....and that is why I am so picky about what I let the boys watch.

But I didn't realize that until tonight.

I really thought I was doing this PG thing (and as I mentioned, even some PG movies I haven't allowed until recently) because that is what the Lord wanted me to do for my children.  Maybe He does.....but maybe it also had very much to do with the way I view entertainment.

You know how people show love toward others by giving those close to them what they view as their love language (words of affirmation, service, gifts, quality time, or physical touch)?  I think I do that with parenting; at least in this tiny area of the way I parent.  Maybe we all do.

So that is what I learned about myself today.  It's not bad, it's not good.  It just is.

I am afraid of the way movies leave an impression on my spirit and so it shows in the way I parent when it comes to what I let my boys watch.