I hope I can put into words, what I have been feeling this past week, in a way that comes across as I feel them in my heart. It's been a rough week. Long and physically painful. It started on Tuesday with Ruger puking and diarrhea. By the middle of the week, Hyrum and I were dealing with the puking and body aches. David learned that a close friend that he grew up with had passed away. It was just a reminder that his best friend, Jered, from growing up in Provo had been dead for years and how much he missed him.
For me, dealing with this while David was out of town was physically hard. I physically hurt because of my own illness while at the same time scrubbing and cleaning more messes that seemed to just keep coming back. I worried about David because I knew he was mentally struggling.
David was able to come home a day early for the funeral and then to take Levi and Brigham on a camping trip with the Boy Scouts. If you witness how very attached Ruger is to his Daddy, you will understand when I say that this was quite the sacrifice for me! Because that boy is smart. And he knows when it's time for Daddy to come home. I'm not joking. He has this uncanning ability to start calling out for David just minutes before he comes home. I'm not joking. He knows! So having him come home just to leave quickly was hard on Ruger....and Mommy having to deal with it! But David needed to go to this funeral. To remember where he came from and how it made him a part of who he is today. And the older boys needed their Dad to spend time with them (especially Brigham, I think. He has really been pushing not camping since his week long Scout Camp this summer).
Levi ended up puking on Saturday, which I felt terrible about because he had been staying in a tent with other boys the night before. It just didn't cross my mind that the sickness might still be cycling through our family. I really thought we were done. But as always, the Lord taught me through all of this.
First, I have amazingly good older boys. They were so good to me when I was sick. When it first hit me, it hit me hard. Like I could hardly keep my eyes open, hard. But Hyrum watched Ruger while I cleaned up puke and showered. Levi and Brigham watched Ruger separately so that I could sleep. And I know that the Lord was helping in this area. If you know me, you know that there are some things I can't let go of and our kids being alone when they are young is one of them. I should know that they will be fine but my mind will not let me stop thinking and worrying about it. So normally, I would never be able to sleep while Ruger is up and about in the house with only his brothers around. But the Lord reminded me again, after waking up, that my boys can handle more things than I allow my mind to accept.
Another thing about the boys that I want to add, without going into to much detail because its personal, was another confirmation on just how good these boys are. They start school tomorrow so David gave them Father's Blessings last night. Both he and I were taught, through the Spirit, just how special and valiant they all were in the pre-existence.
Secondly, I wanted to share something I learned while David and the older boys were camping. I watched this video where a man by the name of Maurice Harker was teaching the importance of knowing what is right with us. There is no way I can do justice to what he said but I will try to paraphrase as best as I can.
First, what really stuck out to me was that I need to change my way of thinking when I get down on myself for messing up again. Or for not doing things that I know I should be doing. But to start think about what is right about me. Not what is wrong. Satan has had thousands of years to figure out what will harm us the most and Maurice is convinced that Satan has figured out how to get in our heads, so to speak. He said that Satan thinks something to the effect of, "I'm going to create a physiological concentration camp and I'm going to grab these would be great and noble ones and I'm going to remind them over and over and over again that they are too broken to be a great and noble one." Wow. I believe that is truth right there.
Second, I learned that I am a threat to Satan. David and the boys are certainly a threat to Satan. They are such good men and boys yet there are times in our lives when it just seems to be one thing after another that is beating us down. Maurice spoke about how if you were to take all of Lucifer's followers and evenly divide them out you would have so and so number of evil spirits around us at all times. But say you were a leader in a great army. Would you evenly divide your soldiers or would you put a few on the weak ones and many more on the strong ones? Again, paraphrasing but he said, "That is how much of a threat you are to the dark side. So if this has been really hard for you its because you have scared a 7,000 year old military physiological genius. You are intimidating that guy!"
So my conclusion? Last week might have sucked but it taught me great lessons. As my friends in the South would say, "Thank you, Jesus!"
David was able to come home a day early for the funeral and then to take Levi and Brigham on a camping trip with the Boy Scouts. If you witness how very attached Ruger is to his Daddy, you will understand when I say that this was quite the sacrifice for me! Because that boy is smart. And he knows when it's time for Daddy to come home. I'm not joking. He has this uncanning ability to start calling out for David just minutes before he comes home. I'm not joking. He knows! So having him come home just to leave quickly was hard on Ruger....and Mommy having to deal with it! But David needed to go to this funeral. To remember where he came from and how it made him a part of who he is today. And the older boys needed their Dad to spend time with them (especially Brigham, I think. He has really been pushing not camping since his week long Scout Camp this summer).
Levi ended up puking on Saturday, which I felt terrible about because he had been staying in a tent with other boys the night before. It just didn't cross my mind that the sickness might still be cycling through our family. I really thought we were done. But as always, the Lord taught me through all of this.
First, I have amazingly good older boys. They were so good to me when I was sick. When it first hit me, it hit me hard. Like I could hardly keep my eyes open, hard. But Hyrum watched Ruger while I cleaned up puke and showered. Levi and Brigham watched Ruger separately so that I could sleep. And I know that the Lord was helping in this area. If you know me, you know that there are some things I can't let go of and our kids being alone when they are young is one of them. I should know that they will be fine but my mind will not let me stop thinking and worrying about it. So normally, I would never be able to sleep while Ruger is up and about in the house with only his brothers around. But the Lord reminded me again, after waking up, that my boys can handle more things than I allow my mind to accept.
Another thing about the boys that I want to add, without going into to much detail because its personal, was another confirmation on just how good these boys are. They start school tomorrow so David gave them Father's Blessings last night. Both he and I were taught, through the Spirit, just how special and valiant they all were in the pre-existence.
Secondly, I wanted to share something I learned while David and the older boys were camping. I watched this video where a man by the name of Maurice Harker was teaching the importance of knowing what is right with us. There is no way I can do justice to what he said but I will try to paraphrase as best as I can.
First, what really stuck out to me was that I need to change my way of thinking when I get down on myself for messing up again. Or for not doing things that I know I should be doing. But to start think about what is right about me. Not what is wrong. Satan has had thousands of years to figure out what will harm us the most and Maurice is convinced that Satan has figured out how to get in our heads, so to speak. He said that Satan thinks something to the effect of, "I'm going to create a physiological concentration camp and I'm going to grab these would be great and noble ones and I'm going to remind them over and over and over again that they are too broken to be a great and noble one." Wow. I believe that is truth right there.
Second, I learned that I am a threat to Satan. David and the boys are certainly a threat to Satan. They are such good men and boys yet there are times in our lives when it just seems to be one thing after another that is beating us down. Maurice spoke about how if you were to take all of Lucifer's followers and evenly divide them out you would have so and so number of evil spirits around us at all times. But say you were a leader in a great army. Would you evenly divide your soldiers or would you put a few on the weak ones and many more on the strong ones? Again, paraphrasing but he said, "That is how much of a threat you are to the dark side. So if this has been really hard for you its because you have scared a 7,000 year old military physiological genius. You are intimidating that guy!"
So my conclusion? Last week might have sucked but it taught me great lessons. As my friends in the South would say, "Thank you, Jesus!"
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