Miracles From Heaven

So much has happened and one day I will get caught up.  At first it was the surgery and us just having too much fun with Poppy visiting but then Poppy went home and things with Levi's surgery site went wrong.  With parents and Levi worrying, many doctor visits, and now a mold problem in the house (seriously, this is why you should never wait to journal!) well, it is going to take a while to get caught up.  But before I do that I wanted to share my feelings from tonight before they are forgotten.  

A friend of mine wanted to go with me to see the movie Miracles From Heaven.  But she ended up getting sick and everything was just crazy around here so it didn't happen.

Today I was a little concerned about Levi.  It came to my mind that this all might be causing a little depression in him.  Levi is not a depressed person.  He is happiness in my eyes.  But something was off today.  It makes sense though.  He can't do much.  He can't go to school.  He can't physically play around with his brothers.  Because the surgery site is still open and infected, he is susceptible to more infections so up until this mold issue, I rarely let him leave the house.  Ironic now to realize how unsafe our house actually was.  Anyways,  I had been out and about when taking and picking the kids up from school as well as getting Ruger out to run around.  Levi had pretty much been in the hotel room the whole day.  It hit me how bored he must have been (and of course with my never-complaining-Levi, I wouldn't have known) around the time that David got back from work.  

Perfect timing because now that David was there, I could do anything I wanted with and for Levi.  So I asked him privately if he was depressed.  He said something about not being depressed unless he didn't realize what it was.  I explained it to him and he confirmed that he had been feeling that way.  I tried to get him to figure out a way to get him out that I was comfortable with.  After realizing that he needed "friend" time (which we have set up for tomorrow), I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with me.  What I really wanted him to do was to get out and about and moving around but there really isn't much you can do when he is limited the way it is.  Plus, its snowing outside so....

After watching the trailer to Miracles From Heaven, he smiled real big and was ready to go.  I am so glad that we went to that movie and not another one.  It was just so perfect in so many ways.  

This poor family goes through a very hard time because of an illness in one of the daughters.  There doesn't seem to be a lot of hope at one point.  But the daughter has so much faith.  She believes things that her mother starts to lose faith in.  I'm watching this movie as this little girl is going through an MRI, needles, surgery, many doctor appointments and everything that Levi has been dealing with.  I watched as this poor girl had to fear death and then be ok with it.  Watching her family stress and trying to hide it from her but she knows.  Oh geez, I kept thinking of my son sitting next to me as we are watching this wonderful movie.

I'm also struggling with the Mom in this movie.  She is so diligent in making sure that her daughter is getting taken care of.  I watch as other members of her family get neglected.  The guilt and worry she feels.  But the one thing that was very different was watching her lose her faith.  Now, let me make this clear that I would never judge someone in that position.  I have lost my faith at a very dark period of my life.  But I had already been there and so through this whole thing with Levi, I haven't let go.  I've held on to that tightly.  But just because I'm holding on doesn't mean that I don't worry or feel guilty.

But instead of crying during that movie because of guilt, it was purely just because I felt connected in a way.  Watching this poor family go through hell and back.  But most importantly, watching a family go though a life lesson that made them love more in the end.  

There truly is no way of every fully understanding love and happiness without experiencing the complete opposite.  And as hard as that is to witness and be a part of, I will take it.